Goldman Sachs Puts Out Help Wanted Ad: Most Of Our Staff Left Us For The White House

It’s an unassuming help wanted ad — a full-page inlay in the New York Times, the Wall Street Journal, and other major newspapers and magazines. Stating simply, “help wanted,” the ad requests experienced financiers and managing directors who are familiar with the ins and outs of Wall Street.

The company behind the ad?


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Goldman Sachs.

While this revelation is interesting, it’s nothing compared to the internal memo release that accompanied it. Simply put, the Wall Street giant is having difficulty maintaining key figures to run its business properly; it requires a relatively large bureaucracy to turn ethically compromised financial behavior into a business model, which is the very essence of Goldman Sachs. And the reason it’s having trouble maintaining key figures, as it turns out, is pretty straightforward.

They’re losing all of their managerial staff to the White House.

Yesterday, the White House revealed Anthony Scaramucci as the replacement for Press Secretary Sean Spicer, who was last seen trying to figure out where he’d put the password to his Twitter account. Scaramucci is just the latest in a line — six in total by my counting — of White House officials with ties to the Wall Street titan.

And it’s starting to show. As it turns out, Trump’s draining of the swamp left a void, and it was a good thing Goldman Sachs was there to fill it. The only empty thing in the White House should be Trump’s head, as we learned earlier this year when nature revealed it didn’t mind a vacuum so long as it was locked between the man’s ears.


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“We’re running out of managerial staff,” the internal memo noted. “We need highly qualified individuals to replace the ones that we’re losing to Mr. Trump’s team.”

This hasn’t stopped the company from reporting an increase in earnings since Trump won, though, a clear sign that Mr. Trump is helping to Make American Banks Great Again, just like he promised.

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