We Found Spicey’s Resignation Letter And It’s The Best Resignation Letter Ever…PERIOD!

Dear Mr. President,

For the last several months, I’ve been proud to serve as your White House Press Secretary. Regardless what the media may think of me, I learned a number of key life skills serving under your administration, and I plan to take those skills wherever I may go in the future.

RELATED: Top 10 Spiciest Moments Of The Trump Administration

For instance, I learned how to properly hide in a bush to escape from the press. I learned that no matter how often you repeat a big lie, the vast majority of people on Twitter and the media still won’t believe you. I also learned that I should probably brush my teeth before I go on national TV, and how to craft word salad from the pros — Ms. Palin and yourself. I’ve learned valuable life lessons as well, like keeping my Venmo account private and not tweeting my Twitter password. I was informed there is a difference between “authoritative” and “authoritarian,” and that Zyklon B is actually a chemical weapon used during World War II.

I also learned not to retweet from the Onion, no matter how true it may be, and that Melissa McCarthy makes a better press secretary than I do.

I appreciate the opportunities that you’ve given me, Mr. President, so it’s with a heavy heart that I announce my intent to resign from your administration as Press Secretary.

RELATED: It Took Spicey Less Than An Hour To Make His Resignation Official On Twitter

As you’re aware, all good things must come to an end — especially this FBI investigation, and I don’t want to be anywhere near this administration when that happens.

Thank you for the opportunities you’ve offered me, Mr. Trump. I wish you all the best in your future endeavors, as I hope you do me while I skip the country and try to get as far away from you and your dumpster fire of a supposed administration as possible. Period.


Sean Spicer

This post is categorized as satire for a reason. If you don’t like satire, please don’t flip out… just move along.

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