So Hey…Some Of These Trumpian Policies Make Perfect Sense

Another one of those stupid f*cking Trump approval surveys landed in my inbox this morning. No, not the ones from Gallup or CNN or any of the other untrustworthy fake news media outlets trying to make the Fuhrer look bad. This is one of those direct from Trump, ask leading questions of people who signed up for emails so you can post how loved you are when they all shake their fists as they give a thumbs up to hate and fear.

Going through it, two things struck me: One, I unsubscribed to this crap months ago; why won’t it go away? Two: It’s been a while since I looked at the entire Trumpian platform in one place. Maybe I should examine it and see if there’s anything I agree with. Of the 24 questions, there’s only one I agree with, and I only agree with it because an idiot lives in the White House: backing out of the TPP.

If Obama were there for a third term or Clinton had one, the TPP would prove integral in strengthening the US dollar against the yuan, but since China will be reaping the benefits of a Trump presidency in so many other ways and big oil will have licence to run amok, there’s really no reason to be concerned with OPEC removing the dollar as its standard exchange currency. At that point the TPP becomes another trade agreement that will help turn small businesses into Walmart parking lots.

So that leaves these other 23 line items, all of which have multiple choice answers. You can either approve, disapprove, have no opinion or check other and leave a comment. As a student, I was really good at multiple choice testing. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle suggested in a famous line from Sherlock Holmes far too often attributed to Spock that if you eliminate the impossible, whatever is left — no matter how improbable — must be true. Well sh*t. That’s easy. Not only can I click “other” for the TPP question, eliminating the embarrassment of approving of anything that jackass has suggested, I can eliminate “approve” as an answer altogether. Score.

So that leaves “disapprove” and “no opinion” as what’s left, meaning while Sir Doyle has led me down the path towards righteous indignation, he’s left me at a crossroads with another choice to make. In school, when the answer wasn’t obvious after eliminating the impossible, I would move on to good ol’ Occam’s Razor: All things being equal, the simplest answer is usually the right one. In this case the simplest answer is “are you f*cking kidding me? Of course I disapprove.” This is a platform built to hold 62 million morons. One intelligent person could tip this thing over and hurt somebody.

Then as I look through I see that some of those ideas do make perfect sense, if you pretend for a minute that you have an IQ of 74 and your worst nightmare isn’t losing a job, a home or a loved one, it’s that ISIS is hiding in your bushes with a thumb on a dead man’s switch just waiting for you to leave for work so they can blow you to bits in your own driveway.

Like number six, for example. “For every regulation, two must be eliminated.” What a fantastic rule that is…for a kindergarten class. “now children, if you want to play with a toy you must first put away two.” It doesn’t matter what the regulation is. Regulations are just…rules. They don’t need to be justified and they are all equally important or unimportant. So…If you want to tell banks that they have to cap overdraft fees at $42, you have to eliminate 2 regulations to do so. How about the cap on student loan interest rates and not allowing creditors to sue you for debts more than a decade old? Those seem like fair trade-offs.

That’s how the mind of this simpleton and the assholes looking to profit from his ignorance work. You can’t really blame them. They’re just following the Paul Ryan “kill two people for every one you allow to be insured” plan for our health care. It’s math. You can’t argue with math. Two is higher than one. One is what we want. Two is bad. Unless the other choice is three. Three is really, really bad.

You know…Come to think of it…never mind the headline. None of this crap makes any sense at all. I think I’ll add “if you’re an idiot” as the excerpt and go get a drink. It’s 7:30 AM in Trump’s America. What the f*ck else is there to do?

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